Personal Post // Looking Back

Throughout the three and a half years that I have had this blog, I have always held back pretty much everything that is personal in my life. Sure, I will show you all a photo of a boyfriend, let you have a peek into my bedroom, share my fun adventures as I moved New York City, but rarely (if ever) do I delve into things that have a story deeper than pictures show. From browsing the archives, it might even seem that my life is literally picture-perfect. I am a bit of a private person in general, so when it came to this blog I had never really planned on sharing anything personal. However, I am finally ready to share something with you all that has never been apparent at all on this blog. 

The reason why I want to share my story now in particular is because things actually have been pretty perfect lately. I think that is why I can finally share with you all a time in my life that was, let's say... not-so-perfect. So anyways, enough with all the build-up. Exactly one year ago at this time I was a new college graduate and a complete mess... such a mess that I emotionally became an entirely different person. Up until that point in my life, everything had always gone as planned. I finished High School and went straight to a great college, studied what I always wanted of, made amazing friends right away, studied abroad in London, met the love of my life, got the internship of my dreams, and basically never had anything to complain about. It was always smooth sailing for me. 

The first time in my life when I was actually really challenged was last year at this time when I graduated from college and had no idea where I wanted to take my life. Jobs were difficult to find and I did not take it well... at all. I am naturally a very happy person so I never let this make me sad, but instead I became a complete nervous wreck. I began having panic attacks nearly everyday. I developed awful acid reflux, constantly had a lump in my throat, could barely ever eat a thing and could not focus on anything without worrying. My mind drove my health to an awful place and that's when I finally saw a doctor about all of this. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder (GAD), something I brought upon myself during all the stress of the transition from college to 'real life'. I sought treatment and with the help of some amazing people, ,friends, and family I am back to where I am today -- a happy, healthy person! Over the course of the last year I have slowly but surely become completely the same again and the anxiety has diminished. I learned to not worry too much about the future and to focus on things that matter in the present, like my health. I wanted to share this with you all because I am beyond thankful that I was able to get over this hardship that burdened me so much only one year ago, and if any of you are having the same type of struggles I had I want you to know that it gets better. Just remember that hard times never last and that happiness is more important than all the little things to stress about in life. So I leave you with this quote from the Dalai Lama. When asked what suprises him the most about humanity, he said  

“Man.  Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;
the result being that he does not live in the present or the future;
he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

I whole-heartily believe in this quote. We should always be reminded to live in the moment, and don't sweat the small stuff.  

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